the sun is bright in my eyes this morning. i feel like i've been up all day and it's only 9:14am. my head is a giant ball of hurt and i really just want to say fuck everything and crawl back in bed.
i have a doc's appointment all the way in annapolis, which will probably end in me getting some lunch with my mom. i haven't really talked to her since the boat party, so i'm sure she'll have prodding me for info on my stay at the hyatt, the otakon convention, etc.
it's days like today that i hate the idea of work. i'm trying to tie up some design projects i'm working on this summer and that means concentration, which i don't have. everything is in this half done kind of state. sigh. plus i'm not too passionately connected with this work, so it's hard to kick myself and make it go. hrmph.
still arguing with tim. he stayed at his parent's house last night *they are gone for a few weeks and gave us keys to watch the place*. that's his major "we need to change things" sign. i understand the desire to get away from people when relationships get too intense. still, i stayed up all night feeling lonely and sorry. it's weird how an apartment can seem so small until you're alone in it. i talked to him on the phone a second ago and he says he doesn't know if he'll be back tonight either. i'm really not going to go into details, i'll just say that i've been a huge stress ball and i've been taking it out on him. yep, real bitch country. sigh. it just feels like my life is swirling out of my control. like rob says, i need a bloody ninja.
ok
on to the docs
the sun is bright in my eyes this morning. i feel like i've been up all day and it's only 9:14am. my head is a giant ball of hurt and i really just want to say fuck everything and crawl back in bed.
i have a doc's appointment all the way in annapolis, which will probably end in me getting some lunch with my mom. i haven't really talked to her since the boat party, so i'm sure she'll have prodding me for info on my stay at the hyatt, the otakon convention, etc.
it's days like today that i hate the idea of work. i'm trying to tie up some design projects i'm working on this summer and that means concentration, which i don't have. everything is in this half done kind of state. sigh. plus i'm not too passionately connected with this work, so it's hard to kick myself and make it go. hrmph.
still arguing with tim. he stayed at his parent's house last night *they are gone for a few weeks and gave us keys to watch the place*. that's his major "we need to change things" sign. i understand the desire to get away from people when relationships get too intense. still, i stayed up all night feeling lonely and sorry. it's weird how an apartment can seem so small until you're alone in it. i talked to him on the phone a second ago and he says he doesn't know if he'll be back tonight either. i'm really not going to go into details, i'll just say that i've been a huge stress ball and i've been taking it out on him. yep, real bitch country. sigh. it just feels like my life is swirling out of my control. like rob says, i need a bloody ninja.
ok
on to the docs
the sun is bright in my eyes this morning. i feel like i've been up all day and it's only 9:14am. my head is a giant ball of hurt and i really just want to say fuck everything and crawl back in bed.
i have a doc's appointment all the way in annapolis, which will probably end in me getting some lunch with my mom. i haven't really talked to her since the boat party, so i'm sure she'll have prodding me for info on my stay at the hyatt, the otakon convention, etc.
it's days like today that i hate the idea of work. i'm trying to tie up some design projects i'm working on this summer and that means concentration, which i don't have. everything is in this half done kind of state. sigh. plus i'm not too passionately connected with this work, so it's hard to kick myself and make it go. hrmph.
still arguing with tim. he stayed at his parent's house last night *they are gone for a few weeks and gave us keys to watch the place*. that's his major "we need to change things" sign. i understand the desire to get away from people when relationships get too intense. still, i stayed up all night feeling lonely and sorry. it's weird how an apartment can seem so small until you're alone in it. i talked to him on the phone a second ago and he says he doesn't know if he'll be back tonight either. i'm really not going to go into details, i'll just say that i've been a huge stress ball and i've been taking it out on him. yep, real bitch country. sigh. it just feels like my life is swirling out of my control. like rob says, i need a bloody ninja.
ok
on to the docs
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
tonight i am down down down
i'm not even going to capitalize anything i'm feelin that crappy.
i got in a fight with tim, which happens... it's all basically centered around money problems and my dad crap. school is about to start in two weeks and i have to threaten my father with a lawyer so he doesn't think i'm "pretending to be in college"... yeah, crazy. he thinks cuz i'm a designer that i fake my school bills. and here i am, getting the dean's list every semester and wondering why the fuck i do it. i mean, it's not like i'm a delinquent or anything. i just want to frickin graduate and forget my dad exists.
sigh.
but i got to see the pictures of otakon on jeremiah's blog (http://meaty.blogspot.com) and that made my day better. it makes me smile to remember such craziness. not to mention i had such a good time seeing jeremiah again.
but seriously, sorry to vent. life isn't that crappy. it's just that i'm an intense person and i take life in intense doses. so when i'm hurt, it's like times three. and right now i'm times eight. so what then? not to mention i get into spindles of self-loathing and i just want to be a hermit and stop crapping up my life and the lives of those around me *melodramatic??? a little? yes*
life would be so nice if i was a trust fund furry. then i could hang with hot furry chicks, raise the esteem of dorky furry boys and in general just be the crazy whack gal i am. it's sad why i resort to dreaming about furry-dom
ooh now i'm talking to mike of the bluehaired sort! he's my ex that proves exes can be best buds. we're both IMing about how cool we are. snoodgey booges!
i can't believe i said that
ok
must go be sad
*puts on the cure and tucks herself into goth mode*
Monday, August 11, 2003
happy birthday Jeremiah!!!
infesticons! bloggin bloggin bloggin!
tim just said that and i thought it was great, so i added it... there.
so yeah, it's jeremiah's birthday and he rules. so, for his birthday i shall create a song about his infinite ruleness!
ode to jeremiah on his birthday, third opus, as handed down by brooke
*set to the tune of the strongbadia theme...
jeremiahhhh where the furry women go!
jeremiahhh he's the coolest dude i know
his hammer is so sweet, he beats up da snackwells
he misses da broom girl
and population tire...
populationnnnn... tiiiirrrreeeeee....
the end.
okay, so back to life.... back to reality. so, this weekend was completely wacky. i usually don't have weekends like my last one. weekends that involve hammers...
firstly, jeremiah rules because he invited tim and i on the clipper city boat for a party. it was a shindig for his ma's company and, as i went last year, i knew it to involve food, drink, and sluts *hot 40something sluts... oh yes*. my true intentions for going were that i missed jeremiah and i knew that he'd die of lonliness if tim and i didn't defend him against the 40somethings... so, we departed for the hyatt downtown and met jeremiah in his suite on the 14th floor...
and now we get to the good part
his suite overlooked the OTAKON convention!!!! aka... FURRY HOT HAPPINESS SPARKLE CENTRAL!
so, the three of us stood there, pressed against the giant window, watching the fanciful array of costumes parade below us... we had to restrain jeremiah because he kept pawing at the glass trying to get the furry girls... who would of known that girls with ears sparked his fancy? now at least tim and i know what to get him for his birthday... what? it's today? oh shit! next year....
anyways, we partied on the boat, constantly plotting our infiltration of the convention center. when we got back, tim departed and i (who got a nice room compliments of jer's nice mommy) went on with him to invade the center... here's where it gets sticky...
first, i think i should say that jeremiah has this squeaky hammer thing... he likes to beat chicks in velous jogging suits in elevators with it about the head. it's his tool of destruction and fury... and he brought it with him.
well, we tried the peaceful way of getting into the con. it was 30min before close and we tried to just walk past snackwells (the fat security guy)....well, jeremiah walked past, i should say... i was in my "drunkashell not goin to jail for nobody mutafukkah" mode. they stopped jeremiah and asked him for his pass... he made up some lie about leaving it in his room, etc... when snackwells didn't buy that, he did what any sane jeremiah would do...
he offered to beat him on the head with a hammer so he'd forget we were there
needless to say, snackwells wasn't havin it.... so we left and went to the front entrance which was COMPLETELY UNGARDED! we were almost up the elevator into the con when bam! snackwell's agile, svelt whiteboy friend *we call him O'malley* was on the scene, tailing us like a lil bitch! so, we went back down the escalator and ignored his bitchass! we we'ren't givin him no play!
but we were not phased, the next day... we went back ... and got in for free!
aaaaah the furries... i was in heaven. it was great. i have to admit, they all were so nice and accepting! and some were hot... jeremiah and i ran around and got pictures of them, not to mention collectables *of which i owe him money, i am a forgetful sap... sorry jer :(* after taking my hottest picture with two 15year olds (one was a scrawny asian, one was a plump whiteboy... all in weird furry attire... i swear to god, when i put my arms around them the asian one said "aweschome" it was GREAT) i knew that my day was complete... We had conquered OTAKON! after, we chilled around some more and then i went to soundgarden...
my tired day ended with watching "They Might be Giants" this cool sherlock holmes love story with LORO, anna, justin and mike. then, vanilla coke and sleep.... aaah....
that is my story.
ooh check jer's blog: http://meaty.blogspot.com for the otakon pictures!!!
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
new blogger style? whatev!
why does this type of crap always happen to me... i haven't blogged in this thing forever and now that i'm back, they've changed the setup. i just had to go through tons of logging in and reading stuff and "we've changed to help you" meh! ok, that's my complaining about that.
so my throat is whack so i have to go see a specialist. it all started about two weeks ago when i started to lose my voice quite randomly. at first i thought it to be one of those "man i shouldn't party so much" kind of things, but when it persisted for the next week, i decided to go see my doc. he told me that i had an infection of the vocal chords (i didn't even think that's possible) and all i needed was a weekend's worth of voice rest. that was a week and a half ago and i'm still having problems. so he's making me see a voice specialist. i'm kind of worried, just because i like my voice and all. i also don't like surgery or anything like that, so i don't want it to be that bad. sigh. i'm going to meditate good vibes to my throat.
the real problem, however, is how my work is treating it. at the salon, i basically spend my days talking to people about their hair needs, setting up appointments, etc (all while loud hairdryers are whizzing in the background). so, by two hours into work my voice has been overused. so, every day i remind my fellow desk girls that i have to not be the one in charge of phones. this gets them irritated and annoyed cuz they're not really sympathetic type souls. they treat me like i'm faking *as does my boss*. so, by the end of the day i'm full of stress and crying to poor, nice timmers about how everything sucks. i mean, i've worked there for a year and i'm a damn good, honest gal. yet, they still treat me like i'm lying. sigh. i need to get away. i have an interview with the yarn shop tomorrow morning... pray for me my furry friends.
so i'm into this new band called folksongs for the afterlife . they're wonderful. i randomly found them playing at soundgarden. they're like lush meets rainer maria meets prog rock and funky beats. it's good stuff. and i am queen dork! i was the first to review their cd on amazon.com. if you really want to see the scope of my loserness, go see it.
i'm off to work (yuck) and then see pirates of the carribbean. they're totally hot! and they're pirates! it's like the universe knew just what i needed. yay
hasta la mana, brooke
Sunday, June 08, 2003
it's just about sunset and i'm in a daze. i'm not used to having so little to do. it's summer, at least that's what lorien's mix cd says
we just got back from the beach on friday and i wanna go back already. i like swimming in waves. and thrasher's fries. and chunky the seagull.
lookie here
http://www.charm.net/~pete/pete.cgi
that's pictures of what we did. it really ruled. i don't think i've ever gone to the beach and had such a great, chill time. all of the people had such good energy together. we all just kept drinkin, talkin, and playing GTA vice city. haha losers.
i'm feeling very transitional right now. not that my life isn't grounded or anything. i'm just so used to being busy all of the time. then when summer comes, everything lets up and i'm nervously looking for shit to do. crazy.
i think that's why i'm knitting so much.... it's great. it keeps the hands busy.
Sunday, May 25, 2003
"i think it is inappropriate for very large people to scare us in the dark"
-Lorien
more:
The Loudest Noise Comes From The Electric Anna.
There Ain't No Party Like A Christina Party.
The Jeremiah Sign Means Happy Motoring.
They're Waffly Pete N Sarah.
Michele - The Freshmaker!
Cleans Right Round The Fabio.
Robot Stays Sharp 'til The Bottom of the Glass.
Snap! Crackle! Trogdor The Burninator!
ok i'm done now.
slogans for people i know:
I'd Like to Buy the World a Tim.
Nothing Sucks Like A Mike.
Gives A Meal Lorien-Appeal.
nightmares by the sea...
jeff buckley has the sexiest voice ever (yes i'm talking about him again on the blogger). i'm listening to sketches for my sweetheart the drunk, pt. 1 (all part of a cd that i promised to make/actually made anna and michele). i really love this cd because it has him covering back in nyc by genesis. i also believe it's one of his more gritty/realized works.
i sometimes listen to jeff buckely and i feel this deep sadness at the world swallowing such a talented soul. yeah, i believe in all that reincarnation stuff, so he's probably chillin around as some elevated being. still, i just wish i could somehow have met him before he left. he's so chilliningly beautiful. i sometimes feel his words go through me. this all sounds very gothic and stupid, but i really feel shit like this.
I’ve loved so many times and I’ve drowned them all
From their coral graves, they rise up when darkness falls
With their bones they’ll scratch the window, I hear them call
i really like that line.
this is all jeremiah's fault. or jeremy or whatever his name is now... :) he told me on the phone yesterday that he actually reads this thing, so i feel bad that i haven't hopped on here in a while. i always feel like this thing is nothing but maniac ramblings. i guess it's good for my brain, but why anyone wants to read it is beyond me.
i'm really happy with my friendship situation lately. for a while i was feeling lost in a sea of just tim. don't get me wrong i fucking love tim, but both he and i know that we need other souls to swim with or we'll go wackypack. over this year i've rediscovered the beauty of anna and lorien and i've picked up so many new friends. sorry, this really sounds like brooke boast-athon. i don't know, i've just been really lonely at times... especially since dan and jeremiah moved away. plus, even though i'm really gregarious, i don't always make friends so well. i'm really afraid of being hurt. it's hard to trust people with yourself. i've had a few past "best friends" fuck me over and abandon me, so i'm like a scared cat. but i've been meditating and letting people back in. it's not hard with anna and lorien, they've been "in" like, forever. but acquiring new friends makes me timid.
all of your bits are magnified
i feel like i'm under a microscope when i meet people. i feel too chatty. i feel too weird and schizophrenic. i like robots too much. no, i take that back. they have to accept that robots rule or it's over.
seriously, though. i wonder what i seem like to people when they meet me. my view is some crazy amazon who buzzes about talking about knitting and design a lot. don't get me wrong, i'm cute. but i'm not everyone's tea. so, sometimes i'm worried when i chill with people that all of my bits are on display to be criticized. and i guess they are. spooky. but it's really great when i meet people who like my quirks. it feels like warm blanket. i haven't felt this happy in a long time.
this is a big day for posting.
i'm gonna be lazy today. i want to finish my book and clean this dirty dirty place. plus, we have tim's sister's memorial today.... sigh
bye
Sunday, February 16, 2003
I REALLY LIKE THIS BETH ORTON SHIT!
hmmm anna does have good music. we're in her room right now listenin to toons and talking about this weblog *ooh how self-referencing*...
so, we're really messed up right now... can you blame us, there's a frickin blizzard outside...
aaaah ii caon't spelll righit now!!!
ok this is all for now. i am bugging anna cuz i'm quiet and tapping keys...
bye
